Monday, August 1, 2011

A Wife, A Mother, and A Child.

I feel I should let you know before reading that this post doesn't match the lighthearted and comical warm fuzziness of my usual post. This one is going to be sad. It's OK if you don't read it. I mostly just needed a place to put down the things in my head. Thanks.

I found out yesterday that my dear friend is now counting down the moments she has left with her mother. You see, her mother has been very ill and her amazing spirit is leaving us far earlier than anyone could have expected. I couldn't have known how this would make me feel as her friend and honestly don't want to imagine how it must be for her.

 I was given this statue a few years back by my ex-husbands family. It has always made me smile thinking of that special magic I have with my children. That bond between mother and child that lasts so much longer than the time they are physically connected to our bodies. Today it's making me think of how my heart feels for this friend of mine and her mother. It's as though every piece of my heart breaks for them for different reasons.

My friend heart aches at the fact that aside from being present and available there is nothing you can do for someone in a time like this. No way to fix it, or help them, or ease their pain for even just a moment. It seems like some horrible curse that we are able to find people in our lives that we love and care for so much but that when they could really use our help most we have so little to offer.

My daughter heart has trouble imagining at a young 25 how I could possibly finish out the rest of my years without my mother? At least a bigger chunk of them. The bond she has with her mother is so strong and always amazes me how the strength never changes through distance. Whether she is in the basement of her mothers house or thousands of miles away their bond remains as strong as ever. I hope in my heart of hearts that a bond like that can span the heavens. That the feeling of closeness and love and best friend-ship doesn't require you be on the same planes of existence because I can't bear the idea of anything less.

My wife heart thinks 30ish years just isn't enough. It's not enough time to say all the things you want to say, dream all the dreams you want to dream, and give all the love you have in your heart. When you vow to love someone for the rest of your lives, as I recently did, you just expect that time to be so much longer. What a bittersweet thing it must be to have had so many great years with the person you love but to be be unjustly robbed of what the future may have held.

My mother heart. I think this may be the hardest one of all. How do you have these amazing children, children that have accomplished HUGE things, yet so very little in the big picture of things, and find peace while knowing that you will be leaving them? I think that is a feat that must require the assistance of a being much greater than ourselves. Please let that be the case. That there is some way to find peace in knowing that you have raised them to be outstanding people with big hearts and big dreams and smarts for miles. That they will go on to do the things you hoped and wished for them and that they will carry you everyday in their hearts.

I've never been a religious person. But I send all my love and light their way. That their remaining moments be as pain free and joyous as possible. I know anyone who reads this will do the same.