A Wife, A Mother, and A Child.

I feel I should let you know before reading that this post doesn't match the lighthearted and comical warm fuzziness of my usual post. This one is going to be sad. It's OK if you don't read it. I mostly just needed a place to put down the things in my head. Thanks.

I found out yesterday that my dear friend is now counting down the moments she has left with her mother. You see, her mother has been very ill and her amazing spirit is leaving us far earlier than anyone could have expected. I couldn't have known how this would make me feel as her friend and honestly don't want to imagine how it must be for her.

 I was given this statue a few years back by my ex-husbands family. It has always made me smile thinking of that special magic I have with my children. That bond between mother and child that lasts so much longer than the time they are physically connected to our bodies. Today it's making me think of how my heart feels for this friend of mine and her mother. It's as though every piece of my heart breaks for them for different reasons.

My friend heart aches at the fact that aside from being present and available there is nothing you can do for someone in a time like this. No way to fix it, or help them, or ease their pain for even just a moment. It seems like some horrible curse that we are able to find people in our lives that we love and care for so much but that when they could really use our help most we have so little to offer.

My daughter heart has trouble imagining at a young 25 how I could possibly finish out the rest of my years without my mother? At least a bigger chunk of them. The bond she has with her mother is so strong and always amazes me how the strength never changes through distance. Whether she is in the basement of her mothers house or thousands of miles away their bond remains as strong as ever. I hope in my heart of hearts that a bond like that can span the heavens. That the feeling of closeness and love and best friend-ship doesn't require you be on the same planes of existence because I can't bear the idea of anything less.

My wife heart thinks 30ish years just isn't enough. It's not enough time to say all the things you want to say, dream all the dreams you want to dream, and give all the love you have in your heart. When you vow to love someone for the rest of your lives, as I recently did, you just expect that time to be so much longer. What a bittersweet thing it must be to have had so many great years with the person you love but to be be unjustly robbed of what the future may have held.

My mother heart. I think this may be the hardest one of all. How do you have these amazing children, children that have accomplished HUGE things, yet so very little in the big picture of things, and find peace while knowing that you will be leaving them? I think that is a feat that must require the assistance of a being much greater than ourselves. Please let that be the case. That there is some way to find peace in knowing that you have raised them to be outstanding people with big hearts and big dreams and smarts for miles. That they will go on to do the things you hoped and wished for them and that they will carry you everyday in their hearts.

I've never been a religious person. But I send all my love and light their way. That their remaining moments be as pain free and joyous as possible. I know anyone who reads this will do the same.

It got a little un-KIKI for a minute there!

Hello dear friends and family! Thanks for coming back to the blog. I was having a little bit of a downer for the past month and a half and it seemed inappropriate to share that here in my little land of happy and care free. How have you been? I've missed you!

Most of you have probably heard that I am not working at Comcast anymore. I loved my time there. I met a lot of really great people and had some really great experiences. That job was something I really needed at that point in my life. It walked me through a divorce, learning to love again(especially loving myself), and building a great environment for our modern family. I am so thankful that I had my time there and while I am sad to be leaving, I am excited for what the future holds!

So with a job loss in the month of December there was potential for mass hysteria. How will I give my kids a good Christmas?!?! How will we pay the bills?!?! How can I stay home all day with the kids and not go insane?!?! Aaaaahhhh!!!! But because I surround myself with amazing people and have learned a few important lessons along the way. . . the world kept turning. A few quick shout outs:

*Frankie and Adam, our sweet sweet friends that have helped us out far more than we have helped them. Adam donated one of his own Christmas trees from his business to our family so that we could have one. I don't think you realize how important that big green bush is until you don't think you will have one. The memories you make decorating it, gathering around it, the fun of watching it glow every evening. . . those things can't be replaced. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

*Rosee. Those of you that don't know Rosee are seriously missing out. We weren't always so close but I have grown to cherish her as one of my closest friends. Thank you for checking on me often, being my mommy support friend, assisting me with getting more organized to save my sanity, and mostly for listening and accepting me and supporting me no matter what!

*Reata. The greatest not quite mom-in-law I have ever had. This woman has given me well over $1000 worth of scrapbooking stuff in the past few weeks. Thanks for supporting my new hobbies! Kisses!

Crystal. My sassy little sister. I thought I was helping you, letting you stay with us in a time of need. It turns out that you are really helping me. I have been so happy to have you here with me and the girls and to get to know you all over again. You bring sparkle to my house and a little bit of sass. I love you.

Dad and Christy. When I said we could use a little food to help us get through while it all gets straightened out I expected a dinner or two. You went above and beyond. I think you guys cut my grocery budget by 60%. Thank you so so much for all your help. We really appreciate it and love you!

Richard. My love. You are amazing. Not only did you support me emotionally and tell me that it would all be ok, you ACTUALLY made it all ok. And then you offered me a different solution for the future, opened my eyes to the possibilities. We are lucky to have a hard working, loving, supportive, but mostly fun man in our lives. I am excited to go into the future with you!

Well I have a new daily time management system and a bunch of new things to work on so it's time for me to go. Happy Holidays to all of you and thank you so much for being a part of my wonderful life!